This might be a bit awkward (gulp), but here it goes: Deep, deep, down - what do you honestly think of yourself?
Are you smitten with all facets of your well-being: physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional health? Do you trust yourself wholeheartedly, feel healthy, can keep overwhelm at bay, and are satisfied with your relationships (most importantly the one with yourself)? If so, awwww yeah - get after it! The inner work you’ve been committed to will continue to serve you in every other moment of your life. Promise.
And hey, if not? If the question made you feel a little sweaty, I want you to remember that I was right there next to you ten years ago…. Unhappy with myself, stressed with my decisions, unclear on my purpose, unsettled with my relationships.
I get it. Really, I do.
So let me offer some insights on a hot topic that is rearing its unwanted head, and holding you back from creating a life of health, love, and abundance.
A few days ago I touched briefly on self-sabotage. It was a topic that many women could relate too, asking me to dig in more. So that’s exactly what we’ll do today.
I see self-sabotage all the time, and it can show up (big or small) in all facets of your life. Here are just a few examples:
Procrastination: Overcomplicating solutions to problems. Overthinking and researching endlessly, trying to find the perfect answer.
Work: Second-guessing your strengths at work by thinking such things as, “Nobody I know has ever reached this kind of success. I will make others uncomfortable around me. What if it de-masculinizes my partner?”
Relationships: Having (perceivably harmless) perfectionist tendencies which lead others to feel overwhelmed or not good enough, resulting in arguments.
Self-care: Worrying about all other members of your family and not carving out time for yourself to go for a walk or even read a book.
Mindset: When in a situation which you can choose to be happy, you choose to be self-deprecating.
Can you relate to any similar circumstances?
The thing with self-sabotage is that we often don’t realize we’re hurting ourselves, standing in our own way, or thinking too small.
So why do we subconsciously do it?
>>> Because we don’t understand our worth.
Let me say that again.
Because we don’t understand our worth.
So let’s look at a simple 1-2-3 step plan to begin untangling the self-sabotage…
Your first micro-step today is to recognize when you’re self-sabotaging yourself. Stop, and take note of the conversation in your head. What are you telling yourself? Is there any benefit to what you’re thinking?
Patten Interrupts. Pattern interrupts are necessary to shake things up. (And then shake them off!) Disrupt the sabotage cycle immediately because we don’t want it to begin to seem logical. Do this by finding a positive voice in your head and changing up your environment - go for a walk, start a different task, call somebody you trust.
Commit to making the shift. When you don’t feel worthy, you saboteur will get in the way, and this will directly impact the actions you take. So commit to yourself that you’ll immediately steer the convo from not deserving to deserving. From not worthy to worthy. Commit to recognizing when self-sabotage creeps in and commit to changing its trajectory.
I’ll leave you with a few final thoughts. When you think negatively of yourself, is the self-sabotage really worth it? Is there any true payoff to sabotaging yourself? What might self-sabotage be eventually costing you?
The inner work is the most promising work you can do for yourself. It doesn’t matter how good your business strategy, relationship strategy, or even healthy strategy is… if you haven’t done the inner work, the moment life gets hard, that strategy will go right out the window. Your inner work is your foundation for everything.
I invite you to pour yourself a glass of iced water, and clear time on your schedule to chat with my team. You are in the right spot!